


The rune for broken hearts

by tenshi6



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Lies, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 07:39:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5039719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenshi6/pseuds/tenshi6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He was so sick of Magnus, sick of being so pathetic because of a warlock and he was sick of feeling so miserable. It was annoying. He wanted to ease the pain and so he grabbed his stele and opened his notebook, the one in which he had practiced drawing runes. He flipped the pages absentmindedly, looking for a certain one."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The rune for broken hearts

**Author's Note:**

> My first Malec fic. Actually, I started it a long time ago but only got to finish it recently. Hope you will like it.
> 
> The story is placed after Book 5.

Alec couldn't remember how he got to Magnus's apartment.

After Magnus broke up with him in that tunnel he went to find Camille to kill her. However after arriving there he found out Maureen had been faster. Alec's legs moved on their own, his mind too busy thinking to watch the road, and before he knew he was right there.

He opened the door with trembling fingers, half-hoping and half-fearing that Magnus would be there. He wasn't. Alec released a disappointed sigh then closed the door, leaning against it. His mind was completely blank. He didn't know how he should feel, didn't know what he was supposed to do. He was empty and it was awful but at the same time some kind of odd peace settled in Alec's heart. He smiled sadly at Chairman Meow who was curled into a ball on the couch, sleeping peacefully.

He gathered his things absentmindedly, tossing everything into his bag carelessly. The more time he spent in that place the worse he felt. He hated himself. Hated himself for lying to Magnus, for meeting Camille, for even listening to her poisonous lies. He felt so horrible it physically hurt. He could barely see what he was doing. Something felt hot against his cheeks and he blinked, wiping his tears away hastily.

"No, I'm not crying. I won't. This is absolutely your fault, Alexander Lightwood, bear the consequences!" He gritted his teeth and clutched his fists, his whole body shaking as he was trying to hold back his tears but they just didn't stop. It was too much to bear.

The mug he had been holding slipped out of his grip and crashed into the floor, shattering into a thousand pieces. "Damn!" Alec cursed. It was a gift from Magnus. The broken parts resembled Alec's current state ironically well. Shattered, broken, never to be a whole again.

He fell onto his knees, finally letting the tears falling down and he buried his face into his palms, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. He didn't want this. He didn't want it to end. But he knew it was his fault, he was to be blamed and he couldn't change it anymore. He lost Magnus. It was the first time he admitted to himself and it was probably the most painful thing that had ever happened to him in his short life. As horrible as losing Max. But Max died and he grieved, hoping that he was now in a better place. Magnus was very much alike and it hurt even more. 'I don't want to lose him. I don't want him to hate me.' He kept chanting it in his mind like a mantra, crying endlessly. He fisted his hair tight, holding his head between his hands while he was screaming helplessly.

He didn't know how long he had been crying but the tears eventually stopped; the pain and hurt turning into anger. Suddenly he was angry at himself, angry at Camille but most of all, angry at Magnus. How could he toss him aside like he had never meant anything to him? Maybe he hadn't. And it was so unfair because to Alec, he meant the whole world. And he was furious because obviously Magnus didn't feel the same way. He slammed his fist against the floor frustrated then hissed as the sharp pieces of his once-been-mug cut his flesh.

He didn't bother with an iratze, only pulled the shard out and tossed it to the floor. He knew he was supposed to clean up the mess but he just didn't care. Instead he grabbed his bag then tore the blue scarf from around his neck, threw it aside and stormed out of the apartment, not looking back. He knew he had to get away while he had the chance. He was afraid if he stayed there to wait for Magnus he might humiliate himself with begging him to start over but that wouldn't happen. He was a proud Nephilim and would never beg for a warlock. No way in Hell. 'Even if it breaks your heart?' A mocking tone asked in his mind but he stubbornly ignored it.

He opened the door and stopped dead on his tracks because Magnus was standing right in front of him. He was shocked only for a second and then the burning anger took over. He yanked his keys from his pocked and pushed it against Magnus's chest. Without sparing a glance at him he left, his shoulder bumping against Magnus's roughly.

He didn't turn to see Magnus's pained expression.

#

Alec was grateful he didn't meet anyone on his way up to his room. He wasn't really in a mood to explain why he was carrying so much stuff with him, not to mention his tear stained cheeks. His steps echoed through the empty corridors loudly. Finally he reached his room and shut the door rather loudly then practically threw his bags into the corner, irritated. He couldn't believe it was over.

He stripped his clothes off hastily and headed towards the bathroom, hoping that a nice, long shower would help to calm his mind. He stretched his arms out against the cold tiles to support himself and let the hot water splash against his back and head, smiling bitterly as a memory popped up in his mind.

He was having a shower at Magnus's place, taking his time because the water felt so good against his skin. Then the curtains were pushed aside and Alec turned, surprised, facing Magnus's naughty smirk.

"Magnus, what are you-?" He started but was almost immediately silenced with a long, deep kiss. He melted into it and barely heard a snap of fingers. Magnus's clothes had vanished and he joined Alec, bringing his arms around the Nephilim's small yet muscular body, still kissing him passionately. Slowly Alec wrapped his arms around his neck, allowing himself to be lost in the amazing feeling, pushing his body up against Magnus.

Alec slammed his fist against the tiles so hard it cracked. He was gasping for air, tears running down his cheeks uncontrollably.

"Damn." He hissed, suddenly aware of the pain and looked down at his knuckles to see the bloody bruise. His uncontrollable fury soon turned into something else.

Emptiness. Despair. Regret. It was probably the worst mixture of feelings he had ever experienced. They would never be together again. Magnus would never hold him like that again. He would never kiss him again. Never wrap his arms around him protectively. And it was all Alec's fault.

He slumped down and hugged his knees against his chest, dropping his head and letting the tears fall down. He was crying, loudly and endlessly and he didn't give a damn because nothing mattered anymore. It was over.

#

A week passed but Alec wasn't getting any better. Everyone was starting to worry but they also knew better than to try getting Alec to talk. They knew it would be useless. A broken heart wasn't something that could heal easily and they wanted to wait for Alec to get a bit better, not caring how much time he took. However, there was someone who wanted to let him know, he still had his friends.

Isabelle knocked on the door after a bit of hesitation. There was no reply but she knew Alec was inside so she pushed it open and entered anyway. Her brother was sitting on his bed, staring outside the window, his chin resting on his hand, his elbows on his knees. His eyes were frighteningly empty.

"Hey, you missed dinner." She said quietly, smiling softly.

"Not hungry." Alec replied without looking at his sister, his voice cracked, almost inaudible. Isabelle's heart sank as she deciphered that sound, the voice of someone who was crying for hours. She approached him anyway, carefully, like she would do it to a scared animal. She sat beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder gently.

"If you need someone to talk to, I'm here." She offered sympathetically. She was well aware it was a delicate topic but she couldn't bear seeing Alec this miserable. Alec didn't respond though, didn't even move; just kept staring into nothingness. They were sitting in silence for several minutes and eventually Isabelle removed her hand from his shoulder after she had squeezed it as a sign of comfort.

"I'm sorry." Alec said out of the blue, startling his sister.

"For what?" She frowned.

"Being like this." He gestured at himself.

"Sad?" Her confusion grew even more.

"Weak."

"Alec, this isn't weakness." Isabelle stated firmly. "Give yourself some time. I know it's hard, but I'll do anything I can to make it easier for you. Just tell me what you need."

Alec looked into his sister's eyes, and Isabelle noted with a sigh of relief that not all the light was gone from Alec's blue gaze. He smiled weakly. "Thank you." It was barely a whisper.

"Don't be silly." Isabelle smiled and wrapped her arms around him. "I love you."

Alec nodded into her shoulder because he couldn't bring himself to say it back. Not when he had said it so many times to Magnus. It was still too painful, even if he was saying it to his own sister. He just wasn't ready, but Isabelle knew it and didn't blame him.

She pulled back at last, looking at Alec seriously. "Just promise to call me when you need something."

Alec nodded. "I promise."

"Okay." Isabelle relaxed then got up and left with a soft smile.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Alec got to his feet and rushed towards his wardrobe, pulling his gear out. He had to do something to take his mind off of Magnus and hunting demons was the best distraction he knew.

#

Clary looked up from the table as she heard Isabelle approaching. She didn't ask anything because the look on Izzy's face told her everything. Alec was far from being fine, very far and they all knew it would be a long time to see him happy again. But Alec was their friend, their family, and they were determined to make him feel at least a bit better. Any sign of improvement would be a huge success considering the state he was in.

"I can feel he is really sad." Jace murmured quietly but they all heard it.

Clary sighed and leant on her elbows, staring at the wall across the room. She wasn't an expert in broken hearts and moreover, Alec and she weren't exactly friends. It was more like Alec tolerated her only because of Jace. Clary still felt sorry for him. He didn't deserve this. Sure, he made a stupid mistake but Magnus was overreacting.

They were silent for a while, Clary continued staring at the wall while Jace was nervously tapping the table and Isabelle simply leant against the counter, her arms crossed over her chest and her mind lost in thoughts.

"Maybe we should talk to Magnus." Clary suggested, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

Jace snorted. "As if he would listen to us."

"Well, we could try at least." Clary reasoned, and glanced at Isabelle, waiting for some kind of reassurance but she remained silent, staring at her black, high-heeled boots. Clary took her actions, or rather, lack of action as a sign of disagreement and dropped the idea. Maybe she would visit Magnus later, give it a try but she was pretty sure that she alone wouldn't be able to convince him to change his mind. She doubted anyone could persuade the High Warlock of Brooklyn to change his mind, except Alec.

While they were all trying to figure out how to handle this whole situation, on the other side of New York, Alec was wandering along on endless, dark subway tunnels which hadn't been used for ages, looking for demons to fight with. And just as he had hoped, he found plenty of them.

At first, he spotted one just as it noticed him and the creature leapt forward, his vicious snarl echoing in the tunnel. Alec drew his seraph blade and leapt over the demon, slicing it in two in mid-air, avoiding its stinky, yellow blood. A loud roar shook the earth just as he landed safely and Alec spun around, seeing another foul creature approaching with inhuman speed. He steadied himself as much as he could but the demon tackled him down the floor, his fangs snapping closed an inch away from his chest. Alec pushed him back with all his strength, sending it falling back one and a half meter. He felt fury and hopelessness surface and he fought the demons as they were all those emotions taking shapes.

"Come on, is this all you've got?" He shouted, clutching his fist on the blade's grip and sliced at the demon but it managed to get out of the weapon's way at the last second. Alec moved as fast as a flash of light, jumped out of the deadly claws and cut one of the demon's four arms. The demon roared again and stroke but Alec was faster and its head fell to the ground with a loud thud. It felt great. Alec was grinning like a maniac; he had never felt this alive for a long time.

Not five seconds passed and another demon appeared out of nowhere, then another and another. It was three against one now but Alec didn't even flinch. He was confident, determined and full of anger. And he enjoyed every second of this fight.

It would be nothing. He could take down a dozen of these filths. Or even more. He would show them what a furious Shadowhunter was capable of.

He didn't even think of a strategy just sliced and slashed at every demon he could reach, and though it wasn't as easy as he had predicted, he took them down at last, panting and sweating. The runes started to fade on his arms and legs but he didn't care. It would still be a long time for their power to wear off completely. And he wasn't done, because the demons kept coming, shrieking, roaring and snarling, their claws and fangs sharp as blades, their eyes glowing in different colours, and they smelled like rotten meat.

#

"Something's wrong." Jace raised his head in alarm, glancing around. Isabelle and Clary looked at him startled.

"What?" Clary didn't even finish but Jace was already out of the kitchen, running madly. The girls could barely keep up but followed him nevertheless, right to Alec's door. Jace didn't bother knocking, just barged in and they all found themselves in an empty room.

"His gear is missing." Isabelle stated after a quick look, paling.

"I think he is fighting. And he is getting weak." Jace said.

"We have to find him." Isabelle decided and they left immediately, not bothering to put on a gear or any runes, just simply grabbing a few weapons.

Alec was fighting now desperately, cursing his own stupidity for the situation. He was getting tired and his movements were starting to become shallow and sloppy while the demons just kept on coming at him. He was yelling and shouting, completely out of breath, sometimes at himself sometimes at the demons and sometimes at Magnus, even though he was nowhere near. Of course he wouldn't be. Alec commented in his mind bitterly.

Suddenly, there was a sharp pain on his right side and he slashed at the demon, drawing the seraph blade deep into its throat. But it was too late. He collapsed, holding his blade with one hand while clutching at his side, not being able to breathe normally. He could feel his warm blood pouring down his body, and his vision became blurry, then everything went dark and the last thing he could remember was a demon charging at him and all he could think was that he was so pathetic.

#

Jace was in front of Alec in a split second, defending his parabatai with his body and seraph blade. The demon didn't stop and Jace hoped it wouldn't. While he was dealing with the fighting, his movements deadly graceful and his strikes never mistaken, Izzy fell to her knees beside her brother, grabbing his arm to draw an iratze.

Clary stood beside her, silently praying not to be too late. Isabelle was calm and collected but Clary knew she was on the edge of breaking apart. Clary was close to panic as she watched Izzy draw another iratze but Alec didn't even stirred and the blood just kept coming from the wide, ugly gash.

"It's… It's not working." Isabelle whispered with wide eyes and Clary knelt down, too, leaning close to Alec's face, looking for his breathing.

"He is still alive." She stated and could see Isabelle release a sigh of relief. It lasted only for a second, because then she frowned, worried.

"Then why isn't this working?" She demanded; raising her voice is despair.

"Let me try it." Clary said and took out her own stele and started to draw another iratze but it was useless again.

"We need something stronger. He is barely alive." Isabelle took a deep breath, trying to think reasonably.

"What could be stronger than-" Clary fell silent because she already knew the answer. Magic. Isabelle sighed heavily, clearly not wanting to go with that option but she didn't have a choice. Her brother's life was at stake.

"We need Magnus."

#

Alec opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times to clear his vision. He wasn't in the dirty tunnels anymore but as soon as he looked up he realized it wasn't exactly the place either he wished to be in. The room seemed familiar, because he had spent much time in it; he recognized it even though the furniture was different now. It was different every time he was in. He was at Magnus's place. And he had no idea how he got there.

He tried to sit up but winced in pain, clutching at his side unintentionally and realized it was covered in bandages. It was healing, Alec could feel the warmness spreading through his body and he knew he should have been grateful or relieved, but he wasn't. He was perplexed and outraged. Outraged because Magnus had obviously helped him and didn't let him just die.

Also, what the hell was he doing here? And second, how on earth he got here? As on clue, the door opened and Magnus stepped in, looking at him in relieved surprise.

"How are you feeling?" He asked simply and Alec felt his cheeks redden due to anger. How could he act like that?!

"You did this?" Alec frowned, gesturing at his side, keeping his tone dangerously calm.

"The wound, no. The healing, yes." Magnus replied.

"Why the fuck did you help?!" Alec growled. He felt so furious he could have exploded.

What was happening? The last thing he could remember was falling to the ground, the demons attacking and now he was lying in a soft bed at Magnus's place, and Magnus was standing in the doorway, acting as if nothing had happened between them. Alec couldn't tolerate this act, he was never good at acting anyway.

Magnus's expression darkened. "Well, excuse me." He said in a mocking tone which was only fuel to the fire. "Isabelle was begging on my doorstep so I didn't have much choice." Alec was startled only for a split second. Izzy never begged, especially not to a warlock.

"I don't believe you." Alec glared at him and got to his feet, ignoring the dull pain in his torso.

"Look, I just saved your life. You should show at least a little bit of gratitude." Magnus sighed, as if getting tired of arguing. Oh, but Alec was just getting the hang of it.

"I've never asked for your help!" He snarled.

"See? That's the problem with all of you, Nephilim. You're so full of yourself." Magnus retorted, raising his voice a bit. His cat-like eyes were glowing with anger and with something else Alec could quite describe.

"And what about you, warlock." Alec spit the last word as if it were the most disgusting thing in the world. "You are nothing better. You deceive people for fun. You made me fall in love with you only to break my heart." Alec didn't intended to be this honest but anger made him speak the truth of his heart. And he couldn't care, he was so blinded by fury. "Guess I shouldn't have expected more of a half-demon."

"That's right Alexander, blame everything on me! Don't forget you wanted to make me mortal, taking my power by allying with Camille." Magnus growled.

"I thought about it, yes!" Alec shouted, slightly trembling now. "I also thought about becoming a vampire or using dark magic to become immortal. Because I wanted to be with you. Because I was so blind I couldn't see your true nature. Thanks for opening my eyes by the way!"

"How do you expect me to trust you after everything?! It was you who deceived me, not the other way around." Magnus pointed out. He was getting sick of Alec being so childish but he also saw this argument coming. He knew it would happen the second he opened the door and saw Alec awake.

"You never told me anything! I gave you my heart and what did I get in return? Half-assed excuses and more secrets!"

"So that gives you the right to go to Camille, huh?"

"Care to remember we had to come back from Vienna because of your ex?!" Alec yelled so loud, he thought everyone in New York could hear it.

Magnus's tone changed. "Look, Alec, I already apologized for that." He was truly sorry for that.

"And I apologized, too, like a hundred times!"

"It was emergency and you, Nephilim, needed me. I didn't come because of them or her. I did it because of you. I love you. I still do."

This didn't make any sense. "And yet you broke up with me!" He declared, his body trembling in both pain and anger. "You know what? Next time just let me die. I don't want to see you ever again. I hate you, Magnus Bane. I. Hate. You!" Alec shouted and stormed out, pushing Magnus out of the way. His cheeks felt hot and tears were trailing down on them. He didn't see Izzy sitting in the hall; he just wanted to leave as soon as possible. He was wearing only a shirt and his gear pants, his boots left behind. The weather was painfully cold especially to his bare feet. He didn't care. He wanted to get away as fast as his still healing injury allowed; never coming back, never even looking back. He regretted every second he had spent with Magnus and it made him cry even more.

It hurt.

Alec couldn't remember his way to the Institute but he was there now, practically barging in and hurrying into his room, slamming the door closed and locked it. He was so sick of Magnus, sick of being so pathetic because of a warlock and he was sick of feeling so miserable. It was annoying. He wanted to ease the pain and so he grabbed his stele and opened his notebook, the one in which he had practiced drawing runes. He flipped the pages absentmindedly, looking for a certain one. He found it, on the left edge of one page, a small drawing; because he thought it was stupid, that he would never use it. It was still visible, though, so he started drawing on his chest, right above his heart.

The rune for broken hearts.

#

"Alec? Alec, wait!" Isabelle shouted after Alec but he didn't stop.

She doubted he even heard her. She got to her feet and gathered Alec's belongings – his boots and gear jacket and weapons, - in a haste, then run after her brother. Magnus didn't move from the spot in the doorway and Isabelle assumed he wanted to be left alone. She had urgent matters after all, like her stupid brother running around New York bare foot in the dead of a winter night.

She was chasing after him but not being able to catch up and Alec never stopped or turned, not even once. She didn't have much choice but to follow him back to the Institute, where Jace and Clary were waiting for her, looking extremely worried and clueless.

Izzy took a few deep breaths, dropping Alec's things to the floor, the loud clatter echoing off the walls. "They had a fight. A really bad one." She sighed, shaking her head.

"Shouldn't we-" Clary started but Izzy and Jace cut in at once.

"NO!"

"Oh, okay." She threw up her arms in defence. "It was just an idea."

"Leave him be. After such an argument, I would want to be alone for weeks." Izzy said quietly.

"Let's eat something." Jace suggested at last, breaking the silence which was starting to grow uncomfortable. He was already heading towards the kitchen, Clary increasing her pace to keep up with him. Izzy said she would go after them. She dropped to her knees and gathered Alec's stuff slowly, then headed towards her room to toss them in there. She was relieved that Alec was right but also angry he was so careless. He could have died! She wasn't going to give Alec back his weapons any time soon. She took a few deep breaths, washed her face, changed her clothes then walked to the kitchen to be with Jace and Clary. She didn't want to be alone.

Much to Jace and Clary's delight, Isabelle didn't want to cook anything and they still had some leftover Thai and Chinese food so they sat down to the table and eat in silence, everyone deep in their thoughts. Half an hour passed but neither of them felt like moving and doing anything.

"Hey, everyone, what's with the sulking?" Alec appeared in the doorway, looking cheerful. The other three frowned and looked at him in utter shock.

"Alec." It was Izzy who spoke at first, her face lightning up and she smiled. "Are you okay?"

Alec looked at his sister in confusion. "Of course I'm okay. Why would I not be?" Isabelle frowned. Alec looked different. He was happy and lively, not a walking misery like he had been ever since they broke up with Magnus.

Clary narrowed her eyes and stared at Alec's unbuttoned shirt revealing his chest, gesturing Jace to leave. He was confused, too, but followed Clary without a word.

"What is it?" He asked as soon as they closed the door.

"His chest." Clary whispered. "There's a rune but it doesn't look like… It feels like it's wrong."

"What? What do you mean by that?"

"I-I don't know. It's just feels… off. I can't explain better."

"Maybe that's why he is acting like that?"

The door opened and they both fell silent but it was only Isabelle. She looked desperate.

"What the hell is wrong with him?" She hissed, annoyed. Then added in a defeated tone. "He thinks he and Magnus are still together."

"WHAT?" Clary asked, her tone high-pitched. Jace quickly covered her mouth to silence her.

"Clary says there is a rune on Alec."

"We are Shadowhunters, we all have runes on our bodies." Isabelle rolled her eyes.

"No, it's… the rune is wrong. I don't know why but I can feel it. Maybe I should take a look at it." Clary suggested.

"What do you mean 'wrong'?" Isabelle demanded harshly and Clary winced.

"I-I can't explain, it gives off a strange vibe." She really couldn't explain any better because even she wasn't sure why.

"Isabelle, we should listen to her." Jace suggested calmly and Isabelle closed her eyes, releasing a deep breath.

"Okay, we will find a way to investigate this whole strange-rune matter." She decided. "You two, go, I'll talk to him, somehow."

But she couldn't get to talk to her brother because as soon as she stepped inside, Alec started speaking and it looked like he didn't even need to stop for air. She didn't know what to say so she just listened, pretending everything was all right.

"So, I think I'll go over to Magnus now." Alec said at last and Isabelle's head whipped up.

"What? Why?"

Alec gave him a funny look. "To be with my boyfriend?"

"But- but, I thought we could go out and have dinner. I'm sick of eating inside and ordering food." She knew it was pretty lame but couldn't come up with anything better.

"Izzy, are you jealous of Magnus?" Alec smiled teasingly.

"Of course not." She snorted indignantly.

"Then see you later." Alec smiled and left before Isabelle could stop him. This was really bad.

#

Magnus's phone was ringing loudly. Again. He had been successfully ignoring it in the last twenty minutes but Isabelle was pretty persistent. Even Jace called him a few times, when Isabelle was probably taking a break. He rubbed his eyes and groaned in frustration. Why the hell won't those stupid Nephilim leave him alone? And why was he so tempted to reply?!

He couldn't take it anymore. Nephilim or not, it must be pretty important. Or at least, they thought it was important. He was about to grab the annoying little thing and answer when he heard the buzzing sound of the doorbell then the door opened and Alec stepped in, smiling at him cheerfully.

"Hey!"

"A-Alec?" Magnus stuttered, his eyes wide in shock. What was he doing here?!

"You look like you've seen a ghost." Alec grinned then approached him, placing a soft kiss against his lips. Magnus's whole body went still.

Alec pulled back, frowning. "Is everything okay?"

"What are you doing here?" Magnus asked, too shocked to be angry.

Alec's frown deepened. "I thought that's what couples do. Spending time together, going out, doing stuff together… you know." He explained with a half-smile.

"Yeah, right. Just a sec." Magnus grabbed his phone and hurried into the bathroom, closing the door and chanting a sound-proof spell around it. He dialed Isabelle's number hastily.

"Magnus, why didn't you pick up?" Isabelle scolded the second she picked up.

"What is Alec doing here?!" Magnus didn't shriek.

"That's why we called you like a thousand times." Isabelle said annoyed but then tried to calm herself. Arguing wouldn't get them anywhere. "Clary thinks he messed up a powerful rune. He has lost his memories." She sighed and Magnus could see her rubbing her temple with her free hand. "Look, he still thinks you're together."

"Yeah, I've noticed." Magnus bit sharply.

"We are trying to figure out how to reverse the effect."

"Well, did you find anything so far?"

There was silence. Then "no." Magnus rolled his eyes. He wasn't an expert in wrongly used runes.

"Maybe it will wear off." He said at last.

"We can't be sure of that." Isabelle reasoned. Her tone was serious. "Magnus, you have to tell him the truth."

Magnus closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Yes, that would be the only reasonable thing to do.

"Magnus?"

"Yeah? Yes, I'll do that."

"Should I… go over?" Isabelle asked hesitantly. Magnus shook his head then voiced his thoughts.

"No, it'll be okay. I'll do it."

And he had really meant it. He wanted to tell Alec the truth, that they were not together anymore but when he stepped out the bathroom and Alec gave him a hug he couldn't bring himself to do that. He had missed him so much and even though he knew it was selfish, he didn't want to lose him again. Maybe the rune's effect would never wear off. They could pretend that break-up had never happened. He could pretend.

"So, I was thinking." Alec started happily, going through Magnus's fridge to find something to eat.

"Yeah?" Magnus asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Since they don't need us here anymore, I was thinking, that maybe we could go back to our holiday." He smiled brightly and Magnus felt his stomach do a double-flip. He should really tell him the truth.

"We should stay around a bit longer. Just to be sure." He tried to reason and Alec's smile fell.

"If you don't want to go, just tell me."

"No, it's not like that-"

"Is it because of Camille?" Alec looked at him sharply and for a second Magnus almost told him that Camille was dead.

"It's not because of Camille. It's because of your family."

"My family can take care of themselves very well, thank you."

"Look, I don't want to fight with you. I just thought-"

"It's okay." Alec cut him off, turning back to the fridge. "Maybe you're right. We could wait a week or two, it won't hurt."

Magnus should have felt relieved. Instead he felt awful. And light-headed because the next thing he knew he was standing behind Alec and turning him around to face him.

"You know what? Screw everything. We are going back on our holiday." He grinned and kissed him softly. Alec kissed back.

#

"You said what?!" Isabelle shrieked and Magnus had to hold the phone away.

"Please, Isabelle."

"No, don't 'please, Isabelle' me! You didn't tell him the truth. You are going on a holiday like a madly-in-love-couple would do! How can you do that?!" She was yelling so loud, Magnus could hear her perfectly without putting the phone back to his ear.

"I just can't tell him. He is so happy." Magnus knew it was a lame excuse.

"He was happy, too, when you really broke up with him. It didn't bother you then!" She pointed out sharply and Magnus felt like a child being scolded by a parent. "You are just too much of a coward to do that. It's easier to pretend."

"I'm not pretending."

"Then what would you call it? Stop deceiving my brother or I swear on the Angel I'll make you pay for it!"

"I can't break his heart! Not again." Magnus said at last, sighing in defeat.

"When he remembers, he will never forgive you."

"Maybe he won't ever remember." Magnus said. He didn't really believe that would be an option, but he hoped. Isabelle was right. It was easier to pretend everything was okay.

"You can't actually believe it. Look, if you don't tell him, I will. I won't let you use him."

"I'm not using him." Magnus protested. He really wasn't. He just missed Alec so badly, he wanted to forgive him so badly, but he couldn't. But if he could pretend it didn't happen, then everything would be back to normal.

"Yes, you are! I've had enough. I'm going over." Isabelle hung up before he could object. He tried to call her back but as expected, she ignored it. "Great." Magnus grunted in frustration, scratching the back of his head, clueless.

Okay, maybe he should tell Alec. Isabelle was right, if he ever remembered he would never forgive. Not that it would matter, because Alec clearly hated him already – well, before this whole wrong rune thing. But even if he told him, how was he supposed to say it? How could he make Alec believe him? Should he break up with him again? That was just simply ridiculous. Stupid Shadowhunters and their stupid runes.

Magnus figured he couldn't spend the whole day in the bathroom and he was also in a decent need of a strong drink so he opened the door and walked back to the kitchen, where Alec was making pancakes – fucking pancakes, - humming happily.

He was just staring at him dumbstruck, practically gaping. Alec glanced at him and raised an eyebrow. "Is everything all right? You are acting weird." Magnus had the sense to close his mouth and lie "I'm fine, everything is fine."

Alec eyed him suspiciously. "Really. It's just… I don't see you cooking much." Magnus admitted, and it was at least true, because he could count on one hand the occasions Alec made food.

Alec did grin at that, playfully and said with – not a smirk but something very close to it: "I'm full of surprises."

Magnus gulped thickly at that because honestly, he wasn't sure how to deal with it. For the first time, he hoped Isabelle got there fast and would help him.

"So, I was wondering where we should go first." Alec turned his attention back to the frying pan but his voice was directed at Magnus, cheerful and soft. "I'm thinking about going back to Vienna. Or we could go somewhere in South Africa. They have nice beaches. I like seas."

Magnus hummed since he couldn't form a proper word, let alone a whole sentence. It was all so annoyingly confusing. He liked Alec. Hell, he loved him. And he missed him. And it hurt when they fought but he was too proud and now he questioned if everything was worth it. Was it really the best choice to break up? They could have tried to talk. Alec seemed really sorry and clearly regretted it. Magnus sat down to the huge dining table and buried his face into his palms. He was such an idiot.

"Magnus! Magnus?" Alec's voice snapped him back to reality and he looked up, blinking at one very pissed Alec Lightwood. "Seriously, what is wrong with you?"

"What? Nothing." Magnus lied and it was weak even to his own ears. Alec crossed his arms over his chest, staring at him expectantly.

"It's difficult." Magnus sighed. It was something he definitely shouldn't have said because Alec only got angrier.

"Well, try me. I'm not dumb, you know."

"I didn't say that. It's just… I don't know how to tell you." Magnus said with as much sincerity as he could muster. Well, it was the truth after all.

"Just say the words. You know you can tell me anything." Alec's features softened and took a step closer to Magnus, standing beside the table, a soft, encouraging smile playing across his face.

"I- I know… it's just hard. I don't want to hurt you."

"Well, you won't hurt me unless you want to break up." Alec joked and Magnus made a pained expression. The smile completely disappeared from Alec's lips and he looked at Magnus with wide eyes. Panic. Pain. Shock. Sadness.

"You- you want to-" Alec stuttered, failing to say the words.

"No, of course not." Magnus said hastily, surprising even himself. He got to his feet and took Alec's hands in his own, trying to smile as reassuringly as he could.

"Then what is it? You've been acting odd ever since I got here." Alec narrowed his eyes.

"Sorry, I just…" Suddenly, he got an idea. "You know what? Let's go to South Africa."

"What? Right now? We need to pack." Alec said slowly. He knew Magnus was changing the topic but he decided they could continue the conversation later.

Magnus snapped his fingers. "Done." He grinned. He grabbed Alec's wrist and pulled him upstairs. "C'mon, I have to open a portal."

This was madness, the Clave could hunt him down for it and even if they wouldn't, Isabelle definitely would. He didn't realize he was this selfish, but Alec made him do crazy things. He made sure no one would bother them while he was working on the portal.

#

Isabelle was banging on the door, shouting Magnus's name but there was no reply. She had been doing that for ten minutes and she got tired of it. Taking out her stele she drew a rune on the door and in the next second she kicked it open, seraph blade in her hand.

"Magnus Bane, I swear by the Angel-" She started the threat but then stopped, realizing it was useless. Magnus's home was empty. She cursed under her breath. "I can't believe it." She took out her cell phone and dialed Jace's number.

He picked up after a few rings.

"We have to trace Alec."

"What? Why? Isn't he at Magnus's place?"

"I wouldn't be calling you if he was!" Isabelle snapped.

"Okay, but what-"

"Jace, just shut up and do it. I'm on my way." Isabelle hung up. She didn't have time for Jace's dumbness. She was busy making plans on how to strangle Magnus right after she had dealt with her stupid brother.

#

They arrived right on the star-lit beach in the middle of the night. Alec had already been to a lot of beautiful places but this was the best one so far. The ocean was black, the stars reflecting in the smooth surface, a warm breeze blowing. He smiled at Magnus, who smiled back and cupped Alec's face between his palms.

"South Africa was a great choice." He grinned and kissed him full on the lips, Alec responding, smiling against Magnus's lips.

"My choices are always great." Alec grinned smugly after they broke apart.

Magnus was tempted to reply but then just simply rolled his eyes.

"So, how do you feel about that?" He pointed towards a yacht that was in a small port among many sailing ships.

Alec frowned. "Did you steal it?"

"Why do you always assume the worst of me, Alexander?" Magnus could be so dramatic sometimes.

"Alright. I like it." Alec said and followed Magnus who started to walk toward it. He turned back, a satisfied smirk on his lips.

"By the way, yes, I stole it."

Alec glared at him but the sighed and kept on walking. It was a nice yacht anyway.

#

"South Africa? Are you kidding?!" Isabelle was hysterical.

"They must be continuing their holiday." Jace sighed.

"We must go after them." Isabelle stated.

"By the time we arrived they'd already move on."

Isabelle was pacing, which was never a good sign. Jace was starting to get worried.

"We have to do something. I won't let Magnus use Alec-"

"He's not using him." Jace said shortly. "Let them be, I'm sure Alec's memories will return."

"When?" Isabelle demanded. "Can you imagine how he'll feel then?"

"We can't do anything. Do you want to go on a pointless chase?"

"If it were Clary, would you say the same?" Isabelle narrowed her eyes.

Jace sat up straight. "It's not the same."

"It is!"

"Look, Izzy, let Magnus deal with it."

"Oh, because he's dealt with it so fine already?"

"What do you expect me to do?"

"I don't know. Something. Anything. Call the Clave."

Jace stared at her in shock. "You can't start a hunt."

"Like hell I can't."

Jace grabbed Isabelle's arm. "Izzy, stop for a minute and think. Magnus won't hurt Alec. Maybe he is trying to figure out how to break the news to him. What would Alec think if we gave a kill order on Magnus?"

"I don't really care, it's his fault in the first place."

"You can't be serious. It's Magnus. You know, Magnus Bane, who has saved our sorry asses a lot of time just because he loved Alec. I'm sure he still loves him."

Isabelle couldn't disagree. "Sitting here and waiting will make me go crazy." She declared at last.

"We can still help Clary finding a cure. Something to reverse the rune." Jace pointed out.

Isabelle sighed. It was better than nothing though she doubted they would find anything. She followed Jace to the library.

#

Everything was perfect. Or more accurately, everything could have been perfect if it weren't for the growing guilt. They had been out in the ocean for three days by now and Alec was apparently having the time of his life while on the other hand Magnus was going silently insane.

He should have listened to Izzy. He should never have dragged Alec back on holiday. He should have told him the truth. He should never have fallen so hard for him. He should have… So many 'should have's.

For once in eight hundred years, he was clueless. He knew he should tell Alec the truth soon but he wanted to have him around a bit longer. He was such an idiot. He was pretty sure that if he had been honest with Alec first, he would probably have forgiven him. Maybe even start over. But now, that he played along, there was no chance. Alec would never forgive the humiliation even though Magnus had never had such thing in mind.

"Magnus!"

Alec's voice snapped him out of his reverie and he looked up. Alec was standing on the stairs, looking at him with a happy grin.

"Come, quickly." And with that he disappeared. Magnus got up and went after him to the deck.

Dolphins. That's what Alec was so happy about. There were dolphins nearby, jumping and splashing water. Alec looked at Magnus, laughing and it broke Magnus's heart. Alec was so happy. So honest. He didn't deserve this. He deserved someone much better than Magnus. He didn't deserve the act.

Magnus turned away, trying to prepare for confessing.

Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder and he turned back, opening his mouth but he was silenced by Alec's lips. Alec's hands snaked around his neck and he moved into Magnus's lap, not breaking the kiss.

Magnus knew it was the worst he could do but wrapped his arms around Alec's waist and kissed back, biting his lower lip playfully.

Alec grinned and pulled back, looking at Magnus seriously. "I know why you've been acting weird."

Magnus gulped, panic rising in his chest. "Yeah?" His tone was hoarse.

Alec gave him an amused look. "We haven't done it for weeks." He said, blushing slightly. This was not a response Magnus had expected.

"Alec, I'm not a-"

"Yeah, yeah, not a mortal, a few weeks is nothing for you. Of course." He waved him off and resumed kissing.

Magnus was about to say 'not acting weird because of that' but his words were cut off once again. He could hardly be blamed, it wasn't easy to do what he was about to do when Alec was on him, kissing him breathless.

He shouldn't take advantage. He shouldn't let Alec do this. He shouldn't- Screw it. Magnus thought and pushed Alec back down, holding him down by his wrists while kissing along his jawline.

Alec's breath was coming out in short pants, his lower body arching up to Magnus. Magnus bit back a moan and bit Alec's neck teasingly then sucked the skin a bit, leaving a faint hickey. The sounds Alec made were music to his ears.

He let go of Alec's hands in favour to place his fingers on his hipbones, holding him firmly as he made his way lower, peppering Alec's chest with kisses, his tongue leaving a trail of saliva as he reached Alec's swimming trunks.

He got rid of those easily. He glanced at Alec who blushed and Magnus made sure to cherish that view. Even after that much time, Alec was still a bit shy and it made Magnus's erection twitch. He ignored the annoying voice that kept telling him how wrong this was.

One last time can't hurt, can it?

A loud moan escaped from Alec's lips as he felt Magnus's hot mouth around him, and his hands immediately flew to glittery black locks, fisting them hard but not painful. Magnus loved how responsive Alec was. Every swirl of tongue, every soft noise and different angle made Alec gasp in pleasure, his fingers tightening on Magnus's hair, one hand resting on his shoulder, blunt nails digging into the warlock's golden skin. Magnus didn't complain.

Suddenly, there was a sharp tug on his hair and Alec yanked his hair back rather forcefully. Magnus's eyes flashed with worry only for a second.

"Don't- don't make it quick." Alec panted, his desire-clouded blue eyes boring into Magnus.

Magnus smiled. "Never." He crawled back to Alec's mouth, kissing him tenderly while his fingers were stroking Alec's hips, occasionally grabbing at his butt playfully. Alec made the sweetest noises against his lips.

Alec's hands were everywhere on Magnus's back, clawing at him carefully, his hands snaking lower and to the front. At that point, Magnus caught Alec's hand and pulled back, only enough to whisper against his lips.

"Tonight is about you, Alexander."

Alec's heart skipped a beat and he looked like he was about to argue and Magnus couldn't let him to, so he resumed kissing, this time with more need and passion, as if trying to make Alec forget. And if he was, he couldn't really be blamed.

After more kissing and touching and dirty noises they were both finally naked, Alec's frame fitting into Magnus's perfectly. Magnus took good care of Alec, preparing him before sliding in, slowly, giving him time to adjust.

However, Alec was beyond patience now. In a split second he flipped Magnus on his back and started riding him firmly, leaning forward to capture Magnus's lips, biting him playfully. Magnus had one hand around Alec's waist to keep him in place while he placed the other on Alec's nape, pushing his head even closer to deepen the kiss.

He could feel Alec grin against his mouth and opened his eyes – not remembering when he closed them, - and saw blueness staring back at him. He couldn't look away, not when Alec's eyes were so mesmerizing no spell could ever be as effective.

They made love right on the deck, under the sky filled with bright stars, and the ocean carrying them. And if Magnus made sure this was the best time of both their lives, well, he still couldn't be blamed.

They fell asleep, eventually, while staring at the constellations, both of them pleasantly exhausted and slightly dizzy to speak, Alec's head resting on Magnus's shoulder, a protective arm thrown across the warlock's chest.

If Magnus had been able to stop time, he would have done it without thinking.

#

The first rays of sunshine made Alec wake up and he blinked a few times before opening his eyes. The air was salty and warm and he heard waves, as if he was near some kind of lake or sea. There was something warm against him and his eyes flew open.

He jumped up, a litany of curses leaving his lips as he nearly fell off the yacht. Magnus woke up for it and stared at Alec dumbly but then the panicked look told him everything and he had never been more awake and alert in his life.

"Magnus, what is going on?" Alec's tone was weak and lost and he was trying to cover himself with little success.

"Look, Alec, I can explain, but calm down first." Magnus said lamely.

"No, what the hell am I doing…" He looked around. "Here? Where are we?"

Blue sparks appeared from Magnus's fingers and they were both covered in purple, silk robes in the next moment. That made Alec relax only a little bit.

"We are in South Africa. And if you could please just-"

"Why the hell are we in South Africa?" Alec's tone was high-pitched, a sound he himself didn't know was capable of doing. "What are you doing here? Why am I naked? Why are you naked?"

Damn, always too many questions. Magnus rubbed his temple as if it could erase his headache and increasing guilt. "Okay, listen, you got into that fight with demons, do you remember that?"

Alec nodded slowly. "We argued you went back home and the next thing I knew was you appearing in my place, acting as if nothing has happened and Isabelle calling me that you messed up a rune."

Alec stared at him in shock; it was visible how he was trying to comprehend the words. Then he mumbled. "The rune for broken hearts."

Magnus didn't say a word and Alec was silent for several minutes. Then, he looked at Magnus, his tone almost pleading. "I want to go home."

Magnus nodded and though he ached to speak he went to open a portal. There wasn't much to say anyway.

Ten minutes later, Alec was gone and Magnus was tempted to stay on the yacht forever. Maybe, for a few more days or weeks. It's not like he was needed elsewhere.

#

"This will get us nowhere!" Isabelle threw the old book across the room and it landed on the floor with a loud 'thud'.

"We have to keep trying." Clary tried to stay positive but she herself wasn't sure any more.

"We can't march after them so…" Jace reasoned.

"Who says?" Isabelle jumped to her feet. "I'm calling the Clave!"

"No need for that."

The trio's head snapped toward the door all at once and they gaped in utter amazement. In the doorway of the library was Alec standing, trying to look casual but failing miserably.

"Alec!" Isabelle exclaimed and run up to her brother, throwing her arms around him. Alec stumbled back several steps from the impact. "Thank God, you're okay."

Alec didn't comment on it. He was far from okay.

"You're strangling me." He breathed out and Isabelle let him go in an instant, laughing embarrassed.

"Sorry, I'm just so happy to see you, I thought-"

"That Magnus kidnapped me?" Alec offered.

Her smile fainted. "What happened?"

"I prefer not to discuss." Alec took a sudden interest in the floor. Isabelle eyed him carefully but didn't push on. Instead, she changed the topic.

"Are you hungry? I bet you are. Let me get you something while you take a nice shower."

Alec nodded absentmindedly and walked away, not trusting his voice. He got in his room and locked it, leaning against the door. His mind was filled with questions and crazy theories but he had no idea why Magnus played along and how he could pretend everything was all right.

He found himself unable to be angry, unable to cry, unable to blame anyone. He just felt… empty. Which should have scared him but instead made him feel oddly calm and collected. He could pretend those past few days never happened, that Magnus had never happened or at least he didn't mean as much to Alec as he had thought.

Magnus made clear he wanted nothing to do with Alec and his kind and no matter how it hurt Alec, he respected his choice. Either this or he would die of heartbreak.

#

It had only been a day but Magnus already hated the solitude. He went through a lot of possible destinations he could go but in the end he decided to go back to New York.

He didn't want to lose Alec but he had no idea what to do. He remembered their first, when he was about to ditch Alec because the situation was so terribly awkward but then everything turned out to be great. He was so grateful for Catarina's call back then. It must have been a miracle.

However, he had to realize there were no miracles this time. No Catarina calling, no emergency concerning werewolves, nothing. It was his time to make his own choice. And it was terrifying. He was so used to stepping aside, to moving on that he almost forgot that there were other options. Like fighting for what you believed in, for instance. And if ever was someone worth fighting for, it was Alexander Lightwood.

What he was about to do was probably suicide but he had to try nevertheless. First he thought of going back to New York like normal people would, catching a flight but then decided it gave him way too much to think and he didn't fancy being left alone with his thoughts, not now. So he opened a portal to the New York Institute. He had to talk to Alec. They had to talk.

He didn't need to ring the doorbell as the door flew open and Jace stood in front of, his expression distant.

"You have to leave."

"I came to see Alec." Magnus stated simply.

"Look, Magnus, I like you, but you're not welcomed here." said Jace coolly.

"Tell Alec I'm here. If he doesn't want to see me, I'll leave."

"I'm fairly sure he doesn't!" A cold voice came behind Jace and Isabelle was approaching, swift as a panther, her face of an avenging angel. Magnus almost retreated. She had a seraph blade in her hand and Magnus was pretty sure she would have tried to kill him if Jace hadn't held her back. They started to argue, Isabelle trying to struggle free, her eyes blazing with anger while Jace was trying to talk some sense into him.

"How could you do this to him?!" She shouted at Magnus who winced. Jace had to use all his body to hold her back. "He trusted you, he loved you, and you broke his heart!"

"Isabelle, please, it's not worth it." Jace said in a quiet yet firm tone. Both Magnus and Isabelle ignored him.

"That's why I want to talk to him." Magnus clarified, trying hard not to show his distress.

"You will never get a hundred feet in-"

"Stop." Alec appeared in the corridor, the shouts must have drew his attention.

"Alec, don't listen to-"

"Izzy, I can handle this." Alec stated then glanced at Jace meaningfully. "Please, leave us alone."

Jace didn't have to drag Isabelle away because no matter how furious she was at Magnus, she still trusted his brother. She could murder Magnus later anyway.

Alec closed the door and walked down the steps, looking at Magnus. His eyes were alarmingly empty. "What do you want?"

Magnus had a speech prepared but he forgot instantly. The fact that he caused those blue eyes to stare so emotionless at him pained him so badly he thought he would collapse.

"I'm sorry." He blurted out. "I'm sorry about South Africa, I should never have done that. It was selfish of me."

Alec frowned. "Selfish?"

"I was thinking of myself. I wanted- I thought we could pretend we never broke up."

"You broke up with me." Alec pointed out, his voice uncharacteristically emotion-free but the glow was starting to return to his eyes.

"It was stupid. I know I can do nothing to make this right but I wanted you to know that I'm really sorry and-" Magnus's voice cracked and he closed his eyes for a second. "I love you."

Alec inhaled sharply. "I told you the same over and over and you didn't forgive."

Magnus knew he had been an idiot. Damn, he had always been. "I didn't know what to think. I know I was stupid and caused you suffering and I truly am sorry for that, I would never hurt you."

Suddenly, Alec started laughing. Not the usual, heart-warming one that brightened Magnus's day but a cold, sarcastic one that sent the chill up Magnus's spine.

"You've already hurt me enough."

Magnus kept silent. He couldn't deny it.

Several minutes passed. It was nerve-wrecking.

"I don't know what you expect me to do." Alec said at last, his words awfully sincere. He was back to his usual self again, lost and hopeful and cautious and wary.

Magnus smiled sadly. "I don't know. I just wanted to tell you how important you are."

Alec sat down to the stairs, holding his face between his hands, his shoulders shaking.

"Alexander? Alexander? Are you crying?" Magnus panicked. He moved to comfort Alec but wasn't sure if he would allow so he ended up standing dumbly right beside him, his hands hanging at his sides awkwardly.

"You are an idiot." Alec sobbed, wiping his eyes furiously.

"Yes, I am." Magnus smiled, this time fondly, and placed a hand gently on Alec's shoulder. Alec stirred but didn't push him away, which was a good sign, right?

"I should have let Izzy kill you." Alec sighed. "That would have made things easier."

"Well, at least you wouldn't have to listen to my lame confession then." Magnus took a seat beside Alec and only when Alec turned to glance at him realised that he was smiling. Not smiling, grinning.

"I'm relieved I'm not the only one bad with words." Alec admitted.

"Always happy to help the Nephilim." Magnus smiled. By sudden impulse, he pushed Alec's dark locks away from his forehead to look into his eyes. The smile disappeared from Alec's face but he held Magnus's gaze, his eyes searching.

He opened his mouth then closed it, clearly trying to find the words. However, they didn't come and Alec feared he would mess up again so he just leant forward and placed a quick kiss on Magnus's lips.

Magnus stared at him surprised. He had expected many things but this was not one of them. Alec smiled.

"You are an idiot and so am I."

"Finally we agree on something." Magnus grinned. Alec bumped his shoulder into him playfully.

"I better go now and talk to Izzy. It will take some time." Alec stood up, pulling Magnus up with him.

"Guess I will stay away."

Alec didn't reply but he obviously agreed. With another quick kiss and a slash of a smile, Alec walked back into the Institute. Magnus stared after him, glad he had come back.

Alec Lightwood was definitely worth fighting for.

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? Let me know.


End file.
